One thing I have learnt is that who you join yourself to in life affects the direction of your life. The person you end up marrying can either enhance or derail you in life. In fact, I once heard someone say ‘your spouse will either make you or break you’ and I have found that to be true. It’s unfortunate that most people are careless about who they get married to. For most, it’s just about finding someone and settling down.
Don’t be causal about marriage; your aim should not be just to get married; your life, your destiny also matters. God didn’t put you on this earth just so you can get married. If marriage was the main thing, then Jesus Himself will have preached it as a matter of urgency but He didn’t. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to get married but please keep reminding yourself that while it is good and while it should be desired, it is not the only thing that matters in this life. So if you are going to enter into it, it should be entered into with wisdom.
There are people who get married and end up missing their place in destiny simply because of who they chose to become one flesh with; simply because they were casual about it. And they are full of regrets & frustrations. Among other things, your God-given assignment also matters and who you join yourself to can either set you back from achieving your vision, or help maximise your potentials above your expectations. A Pastor friend of mine told me of her experience counselling a married man who was frustrated with his wife, and all he kept saying was “that woman set me back in life, I shouldn’t have overlooked some important things”. Imagine that! He was talking about his wife!
When I am privileged to counsel couples who are full of regret, I always thank God for the positive change of story that He will make happen for them. However, if you are not yet married, you still have the opportunity to learn from the mistakes and right decisions of others. I never hear single ladies or gentlemen specifically looking out for a spouse that will add value to them; a spouse that will bring out the best in them; a spouse that will even align themselves with, and support their vision. A spouse with a good work ethic, one who is diligent, etc. All those things actually matter. Make sure your visions align, and make sure you also fully support your potential spouses vision, plans, etc.
I always like to say that if you feel you must have a list outlining the kind of spouse you want, don’t be carnal about it; be careful what you ask for. Focus on someone who genuinely fears God and will enhance your vision & bring out the best in you. Such a person who has a fear of God will focus on becoming a better person and will put the Word of God to work. However someone who just looks good and is even financially stable but has little or no regard for God’s Word, will only bring out the worst in you. Such a person could be a Christian but it won’t be reflecting in them.
Above all, don’t make marriage a do or die affair; don’t get married at all cost. Your peace of mind & your assignment in life should not be the price you are willing to pay, just so you can call yourself married. Marriage is great but it is not what proves that you are a valuable man or woman. So if you decided that you do want to get married someday, do it wisely!